Monday, December 15, 2008

I bite my thumb... just not at you

As much fun as people like to make fun of President Bush, a small part of you still has to admire his poise (or at least his reflexes).

President Bush made a surprise visit to Iraq yesterday, and was given a rather... unusual welcome.

An Iraqi journalist stood up at the beginning of the press conference and threw both his shoes at the president (apparently this is the Iraqi equivalent of giving somebody the finger). The President ducked both projectiles (there were no Secret Service around to take the ... loafer? for the president? That's not exactly in the job description I guess), and chuckled about it in his usual affable (some people call it moronic) manner after the rest of the journalists in the room took the upstart into the street and beat him senseless.

President Bush turned the potentially injurious scenario into a commentary on the political change that has happened in Iraq in the last several years. Can you imagine if that reporter had thrown shoes at Saddam Houssein? Instead of being escorted outside by his peers, he would have disappeared into a political prison, where he would be starved, beaten, tortured, and eventually executed.

Instead, he throws his shoes at the sitting president of the most powerful nation in the world... and he's missing a pair of shoes.

Isn't democracy wonderful? You can do all sorts of moronic things in the name of free speech!


Saturday, December 6, 2008

That Was Most Refreshing...

The wife and I went out to dinner the other night. We were hanging out, talking, doing what married people do when they go out to dinner. A restaurant employee came up and said, quote:

"can I refresh your drink?"

First of all: I was drinking root beer. I don't know how much a styrofoam cup half-full of root beer needs "refreshing," but whatever. Second of all: you, sir, work at Chik-Fil-A, not the Phoenician. Are you afraid your customers are so hoity-toity that if you don't say some form of the word "refreshing" when referring to their beverage they might get upset?

As a matter of fact, my beverage is not refreshing enough, please refresh me. Bring me another, and make it a little more refreshing this time. I need something with a little more freshness in it. If you have something of a more recent vintage, that would be superb.

I would like to meet the person that walks into Chik-Fil-A with the expectation of that kind of service so I can punch him in the throat.

Refresh this you dolt.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


We received tragic news last week. My best friend from high school's father was killed in a motorcycle accident on November 17 that also left his mother in critical condition. They were traveling southbound on Arizona Ave when a postal worker turned left in front of them. Chris was killed almost instantly, Marlene broke several bones and is in the ICU, but is expected to make a full physical recovery.

The funeral was held in Gilbert, with all his family and many of his friends coming to pay their respects.

Chris had been taking care of his wife who had symptoms similar to early-onset dementia. They would go on walks and watch movies, but mostly they went for rides on the Harley. They joined up with a Harley rider's club, and went on rides from their home in Chandler all the way to Florida and Illinois. They would spend hours cruising around Arizona highways and byways. It was therapeutic for Marlene and it was a way for them to spend time together.

The most impressive part of the services was after the funeral had ended.

The Harley Rider's Club rode over to Chris's house to pay their respects. You could hear the roar of 70 motorcycles from over a mile away. There were easily 100 people that rode in to show their support for my friend and his family. It was truly amazing to see the camaraderie and friendship of these leather-clad well-wishers. Every single one of them came up to my friend and shook his hand or gave him a hug and told him how much they loved his father. All of them said "You are part of our family now. Anything you need, at any time, you just let us know."

It is interesting to me how we can make these relationships that last a lifetime (and beyond) based on such a little thing. These people rode motorcycles together. A couple of times a month they would ride to Sedona or Prescott to eat dinner and ride home. A couple of times a year they would organize a longer ride out of state, have dinner, and ride home. Yet these people showed up en masse to honor their fallen friend. Their connection to my friend and his family arose from happenstance to full blown familial ties, and I have no doubt that they will make good on their promises.

Watch out for motorcycles. It's dangerous enough as it is out there.

Monday, November 17, 2008

The perils of going green

In an effort to improve myself and the thickness of my wallet, I have taken to riding a bicycle to school and work. It's not a terrible commute, it takes about an hour and a half to get to school on my bike, and about an hour to drive. Unfortunately, the pronounced and profound idiocy of the world's drivers may necessitate a rethinking my commuting options.

Last week, on my way to school, a school bus was parked in the bike lane dropping off students. No big deal; I slowed down, so as not to run over any kindergartners, went on the sidewalk, and continued on my merry way. About 5 minutes later, a silver-haired gentleman in a gold Toyota slowed down to yell out his passenger window how awful it was that I passed that bus on the right, and how ashamed of myself I ought to be.


As a former bus driver, let me be the first to say, that if you, silver-haired gentleman, had tried that swing-onto-the-sidewalk-to-pass-the-stopped-bus stunt in your gold Toyota, it would have been very illegal, and you should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. I however, was not in a gold Toyota, I was on a freaking bicycle you moron, and as such, that particular rule does not apply.

Leave the policing ... to the police. Don't stick your head where it doesn't belong, and for the love of all that is holy, don't pull along side a kid on a bicycle to spew your pent up vitriol because you didn't get to be hall monitor in grade school.

Tonight, on my way home from school, 3 idiot teenagers drove past and one of them screamed out right as they passed me. They stopped at the light just long enough for me to catch up. I asked why they thought that was funny, one of them called me a faggot (because that's the most clever thing he could come up with) and the driver took off... after one of them tried to spit on me. Excuse me!? Spitting on someone is assault, just ask Naomi Campbell.


Words escape me, which is not something that happens often. Thank you, gentlemen, for proving yet again why the entire civilized world looks at us and says "Stupid Americans." You'll have to forgive me for not subscribing to your particular brand of stupid, but I still have brain cells that I value.

I'll still keep riding my bike, maybe this time with a keener eye for the stupider segment of humanity.

It would be a big help if they wore signs to let me know they were coming.

Here's your sign.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

In Related News...

I love it.

Shortly after Prop 8 was passed, L Whitney Clayton, the LDS Church liason to the coalition of churches supporting Prop 8, issued a statement saying the following:

"[Church leaders] do not object to rights for same-sex couples regarding hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights. "

So, in essence, the church has come out and explicitly stated that they are not trying to take away gay rights, they just want marriage, and all its implications, to be reserved for heterosexual couples. No one is being oppressed, no on is being downtrodden, no one should have to line the streets singing "We Shall Overcome." And definitely no one should be boycotting Utah and blockading temples.

The stupidity of some never ceases to amaze.

Monday, November 10, 2008


So this whole thing started late one night while goofing off on the internet (something I am a little too good at these days). I came across a news article about Prop 8, a recently approved amendment to the California constitution defining marriage as the union of one man and one woman.

Not too out of the ordinary, 48 out of 50 states have laws or amendments to their constitutions defining marriage so, but California is renown for their progressive attitudes toward sexuality (they don't call San Francisco "the city of brotherly love" for nothing). There was a huge homo mobilization effort to vote down this proposition, and when it failed, they needed a scapegoat. Instead of blaming the more than 50% of California voters who approved the proposition, instead of attacking the 70% of African-American voters who approved the proposition, instead of vilifying Catholics or any of the other major religions who supported the measure...

They go after the Mormons.

They want to add a proposition to the next general election that would strip the Mormon church of its tax-exempt status, for its propaganda campaign they waged against those poor repressed homos. Additionally, they want to mobilize the gay community to boycott Utah, because that's the best thing they could come up with second to blockading California temples.

Because apparently everyone who lives in Utah is a Mormon, and all the Mormons ganged up to take away their rights (which the judicial system illegally legislated in their behalf, which is a horse of a different color), and therefore all Utah citizens must face the wrath of the flamers!

Holy horsecrap, Batman! I think they're serious about this!

The moral of the story is this: grow up. Stop blaming the consequences of your lifestyle choices on the first identifiable group that pisses you off. And for the love of all that is holy, if you're going to cry foul, at least have a good argument to back you off so you don't come off as a bunch of sore losers.

I say again: grow up. Or move to Connecticut or Massachusetts, where gay marriage is still smiled upon (at least temporarily) by the judicial system. But don't blame the Mormons.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

For Starters

Welcome to my place of occasional ranting, wherein I decry all things inane, asinine, pointless, and especially hypocritical.

Hypocrisy bugs me. It's one of those things that gets under my skin and goes against everything in my world view and makes me want to scream "are you a moron?!" ... and then I realize that oft times, the answer is yes. Yes they are a moron, and no amount of screaming will make them any less of a moron, it will in fact make me look more like a moron than anyone else... so I bite my tongue and bide my time and vent to the blogosphere.

So here's to you, irker of my ire. I'm sure we'll have a lot to talk about.